You’re smart, but are you emotionally intelligent?

It turns out being the smartest person in the room isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

You’ve heard of IQ (intelligence quotient) – you might even be one of those folks who have a high one. But what if we told you that your emotional quotient (EQ) is way more important for your long-term health, happiness and success?

What is EQ?

While IQ measures intelligence based on reasoning and problem-solving skills, your emotional quotient hinges on your self-awareness, ability to recognize and manage emotions and empathize with others.

More and more, having a high EQ is being recognized as a key factor in determining your success in relationships and career, as well as your overall happiness. A 40-year study of 450 men found that high EQ skills like being able to handle frustration, control emotions and get along with other people were more predictive of success than having a Mensa-tier IQ.

Another study found that “75 percent of long-term job success depends on people skills, while only 25 percent on technical knowledge”. And Harvard research we’ve delved into before followed hundreds of men over 80 years and found that maintaining close relationships is a better predictor “of long and happy lives than social class, IQ, or even genes”.

The good news is that your level of emotional intelligence can be developed and strengthened, just like a muscle. Here’s how to get started.

1. Read about complicated characters

Are you one of those people who always brags about reading Game of Thrones before it blew up on TV? According to one study, reading fiction isn’t just entertaining, it can actually make you a better person. Empathy is key for EQ, and one study found that “reading literary fiction enhances the ability to detect and understand other people's emotions”.

Before you run to the true-crime aisle, the study emphasized the books have to be ‘literary’ – no non-fiction or frothy beach reads allowed. So make your next book club pick a classic tale with complex characters – you might even get better at reading, too!

2. Ask people to get real with you

Self-awareness is a key part of developing a higher EQ, but extensive research has proven that while most of us think we’re self-aware about our faults and foibles, very few of us actually are.

So when it comes to knowing your strengths and limitations, it’s important to seek feedback from people you trust.

Ask the people you’re close with to give you a heads up if you read a situation wrong, you hurt someone’s feelings, and also when you get stuff right!

Reflect, learn and implement changes where you can. If your boss mentions that you’re quick to get defensive, for example, maybe challenge yourself to spend the next week reflecting before you react (even when you think you’re in the right).